YOU MIGHT BE OLD MONEY IF . . .





You can name all your great-grandparents by order of birth

You have more useless table linens than paper towels

Your old family home now charges admission

Your Grand-dad's Silver Ghost was not a Halloween costume

Socks? You don't even own socks

Wearing your Grand-mama's dog collar is not in the least kinky

You know white-shoe does not refer to summer footwear

You have an old copy of 'The Social Register' knocking around someplace

Vinyl siding makes you just about puke

The whole Ivy League thing bores you terribly

You own far too many cufflinks

You know that 'Town & Country' is other than a Ford station wagon

You want Crowleys

You collect Crowleys

You even know what in hell Crowleys are

Cubic zirconia may fool some people, but it doesn't fool you

Just for kicks, you sometimes wear an ascot

You remember when clipping coupons did not mean cents off on Dulcolax

You have no idea how much cash you have on you

You have a shooting stick in the front hall closet

No, claw-and-ball does not sound like venereal disease to you

Any sport's coat you had in 1968 is still perfectly good today

When looking at quarter horses, you just see vet bills

You debate with yourself if Belgian shoes are sissy

You pretend to look for books in thrift shops, but hope to score a Hermes tie

Yes, you know the difference between Penn and Penn State, thank you

Lester Lannon plays in the windmills of your mind

The word "socialite" makes you slightly nauseous

You know perfectly well why it is pointless to try breaking a trust fund

The curtains in the White House seem tacky to you

A rusty Volvo wagon is your dream ride

You have strong feelings about red pants

You have a funny story concerning a dumbwaiter

Just seeing tattoos gives you hives

Cowes brings to your mind rudders, not udders

Your grandmother had her own foundation -- and no, it did not lace up the back

You get rather excited switching over to summer slipcovers

Something hilarious happened to you once at the Union League

You just love standard apricots

Your garage has a pagoda top

You rejoice that Lilly Pulitzer is back

You keep coming across diamonds you've totally forgotten about

You can still recall the name of your grandfather's gardener

When, as a kid, it was fun running all over the house pushing the buzzers

You got Dad's Calatrava, but -- alas -- not Grandma's Candela

You carry a personal swizzle stick -- just in case

You know that Purdy is not a hick way of saying attractive

It's just a little frayed to you-- not worn out

You have a silver plated wind shield

Blue and white always works for you

You can name even one title by J. P. Marquand

You would rather have a viper in your back pocket than a comb

Your mother had a case of blue Fitzhugh

You understand that a Texas dip isn't snuff

You know the Sicilian Defense is not mob related

You take great pleasure in stating that you are -- no! no! -- not rich at all